I hate things that scare me. (Boy, isn't that a way to start a post?) One thing that terrifies me is the dark. If I can't see, I start going a bit irrational. The only way that isn't true is if I'm looking up at the stars and someone is right next to me. Another thing that scares me is the water. If possible, I'm more scared of water than I am of the dark, and you add those two things together... oh boy.... The main reason for my being so afraid of those things is that I cannot physically see what I'm stepping into. If I can't see it, it ain't gonna happen.
I'm kind of like that in my spiritual life, too. If I can't see where my next step is, I will quite literally stop dead in my tracks and sometimes run back the way I came. Maybe that's why I am able to write what I'm about to write.
I'm terrified, mortified, petrified of what will happen on this earth before the Messiah comes back. I believe in Pre-Trib (the Rapture before the Tribulation of the earth). I also believe that Christians will be persecuted harder than they ever have been in any time past. What all will that entail? Because I don't know who all reads my blogs, I won't go into any detail, but I do believe that God's people will be tortured and martyred. After all, the Messiah did say that no servant is greater than his master, so they will do to the servants what they did to the Master.
I cannot back these things up just yet (minus my first and last statements of my last paragraph) because I am just as afraid to really read Revelation as I am to even think of future events. God said that a lot of responsibility would come with reading that book, and I do not want to take that responsibility without being... well... responsible enough for it.
I guess the whole thing would not be as hard for me if it were not for the things I was told about the "end times". My husband has termed the person who taught me most of what I "know" about that time as "sadistic" due to the effect it has had on my very being. Since I was very young, I have had nightmares about what would happen in those days. From having dreams about these monsters burning my house down and throwing me in a bag alone forever to dreams where I'm worrying about the whole thing and wondering why I should even bother to live or have a family or plan anything for the future. This is my lifetime, unending nightmare.
I have a few home businesses. I am a good business-minded woman. I am a good people person. I am a good sales force. But when I even barely think or am spoken to about the whole deal, I very honestly and literally cannot function. Everything that keeps me going stops. I basically turn into a terrified, worried vegetable. I don't eat; I don't sleep; and I bury myself in my computer games and internet businesses and buying to try to hide from it.
I feel bad for my husband. He gives me so much all the time. He loves me so much. But when this lovely event happens, I can't respond to him the way I need to. I'm just a mask with a ghost behind it.
I am so tired of this whole crappy mess that happens inside of me. It shouldn't be this way. No person, especially no believer, should have to live with that kind of terrified fear. Why do I get stuck with it? Why can't I be happy that soon everything will be the way God intended it to be - perfect and beautiful? Why can't I even lay down some short-term plans and goals without being frightened out of my wits?
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On a more positive note, my cat is pregnant, and I just felt the kittens moving. And I'm trying not to cry.
~ Rose Stitch
1140 Wed, Sep 21, 2011
Showing posts with label Something to Do with the Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Something to Do with the Bible. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
On Growing Up and Being Who You Are
I'm not even going to bother looking it up right now because I know I'll find it soon anyway, but after reading a blog, I feel the need to write about training children. I'm thinking it's Proverbs 17:17 or 24. I'll look later.
"Just starting to discover who I am instead of who I was told I had to be." I just read this comment on someone's blog, and that fast it got me thinking about how we are told you have to be such-and-such when you grow up. Right? WRONG! (There was more to the comment's meaning than just that, but these are my thoughts from that part of the paragraph.) I can't be a butcher just because my dad was. (Not that he was; I'm just using that as an example.) Me personally, I get sick very easily, and the thought of killing something and ripping it up just makes me so sad. Or, how about this? My dad's a ... (trying to come up with an idea) carpenter. He knows that's not where my talents lie. So he tells me, you're going to be a kindergarten teacher. My response? GAH!!!!!!! I love kids, but I do not want to teach the little ones. I'll be doing good to work with my kids, if we can ever have any, when they are there as it is.
The Bible says to "train up a child in the way he should go" so that "when he is old he will not depart from it". A lot of people think this verse is talking about discipline. Maybe. But on the whole, I really disagree.
I believe it is more talking about the vocation. I don't have much to back me up because it's been so long since I talked about it in depth with my dad. However, I will state what I think and probably come back and add to it later.
When a child is born in a Jewish home, they wait to name the child until after he or she starts showing character traits that are easily recognizable. It may be a couple of years before they name the child. Instead of the child growing into the name (i.e., Christopher Columbus or myself taking the meaning of our names and trying to be like that), the name is chosen for the qualities shown naturally. For instance, a little girl comes home from school and starts playing school as the teacher. Maybe she will be a teacher someday. But you watch her grow up. She is good with kids and helping others learn. Those are bigger indications that she may well be great as a teacher. But, on the other side, if no one ever tells her that she has those talents and skills, she may well think they are worthless and go searching elsewhere for something to be good at and feel good about. On the personality side, you may have a child who is extra quiet and tries very hard to be wise. The child will be named something that fits those personality traits.
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It is now very late, and I am very tired. But I have tried to finish my thoughts the best I can. I may come back and revise this post, but then again, I may be lazy and not come back. You never know.
~ Rose Stitch
(Started Sat, Sep 17, 2011)
0148 Wed, Sep 21, 2011
"Just starting to discover who I am instead of who I was told I had to be." I just read this comment on someone's blog, and that fast it got me thinking about how we are told you have to be such-and-such when you grow up. Right? WRONG! (There was more to the comment's meaning than just that, but these are my thoughts from that part of the paragraph.) I can't be a butcher just because my dad was. (Not that he was; I'm just using that as an example.) Me personally, I get sick very easily, and the thought of killing something and ripping it up just makes me so sad. Or, how about this? My dad's a ... (trying to come up with an idea) carpenter. He knows that's not where my talents lie. So he tells me, you're going to be a kindergarten teacher. My response? GAH!!!!!!! I love kids, but I do not want to teach the little ones. I'll be doing good to work with my kids, if we can ever have any, when they are there as it is.
The Bible says to "train up a child in the way he should go" so that "when he is old he will not depart from it". A lot of people think this verse is talking about discipline. Maybe. But on the whole, I really disagree.
I believe it is more talking about the vocation. I don't have much to back me up because it's been so long since I talked about it in depth with my dad. However, I will state what I think and probably come back and add to it later.
When a child is born in a Jewish home, they wait to name the child until after he or she starts showing character traits that are easily recognizable. It may be a couple of years before they name the child. Instead of the child growing into the name (i.e., Christopher Columbus or myself taking the meaning of our names and trying to be like that), the name is chosen for the qualities shown naturally. For instance, a little girl comes home from school and starts playing school as the teacher. Maybe she will be a teacher someday. But you watch her grow up. She is good with kids and helping others learn. Those are bigger indications that she may well be great as a teacher. But, on the other side, if no one ever tells her that she has those talents and skills, she may well think they are worthless and go searching elsewhere for something to be good at and feel good about. On the personality side, you may have a child who is extra quiet and tries very hard to be wise. The child will be named something that fits those personality traits.
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It is now very late, and I am very tired. But I have tried to finish my thoughts the best I can. I may come back and revise this post, but then again, I may be lazy and not come back. You never know.
~ Rose Stitch
(Started Sat, Sep 17, 2011)
0148 Wed, Sep 21, 2011
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